YES!!!

I don’t know if it is because of my love for Zooey Deschanel’s quirkiness (I was aware of and loved the Deschanel sisters before 500 Days of Summer showed), but I felt really really good after watching Yes Man.

I have always been a fan of Jim Carey, but his movies haven’t been the biggest commercial or critical successes after the 90’s. I was not tempted to watch Yes Man in the theatre, and only did so after I got a copy from my friend (after a failed attempt to view Man on the Moon).

I had expected a regular slapstick comedy a la JC, but I think Zooey Deschanel made up for it. She is adorable as always, playing the quirky free-spirited girl with witty conversations and an open mind and heart. She has a husky voice (which I love) and piercing blue eyes peeking out behind the dark hair. She is the girl that all guys love and all girls adore. Somehow I’ve got a hunch that is her in real life too.

Anyhow, this isn’t a movie review. This movie made me feel… light, made my heart flutter. It definitely is a feel good movie, but so many aspects resonated in me. I admire and pursue traits in Zooey – love for spontaneity, witty banter, comfortable to be around because she doesn’t care about being impressed (at least not in the conventional ways), not trying to impress people around her, and doing things from the heart. The last trait, I must say, is something I have to sort out. I do put my heart into doing many things, meanwhile my rationality can interfere. That is why I am not fully a free-spirited person.

Watching this movie opened me up again. It’s not like I haven’t been open to new experiences, but I didn’t open myself up. I worry too much and keep holding myself back because I am not sure of taking chances. This movie, coincided with events the last two days, lifted me a bit.

1. On Friday, I decided that I will give myself a rest and not feel guilty about being unproductive. In the end, I applied to a few jobs.

2. I got a reply from a job I applied for out of fun – I completely customized the resume and cover letter. It’s a trainee position, and I thought what the heck, might as well try, and I’m interviewing on Monday!

3. I attended a funeral service. It didn’t hit too close to me… after the lunch, I felt a lot better being able to chat and laugh in the context. It felt like a release from being appropriately miserable. It felt like things were going to be better.

All of these were positive encouragements to life being hopeful. I just have to do it and not think too much. Things are alright. I will get over the hump. Life is alright.

PS. Zooey Deschanel and Katy Perry definitely can pass for sisters, couldn't they?

Even found a pic of them together:

Not a funny article

The Grammys and Oscar award shows will have a lot of people to include in their memorial montages. Many of the world’s icons from the musical, theatrical, political and athletic industries have passed away in 2009. Just searching for celebrities deaths in 2009 found me this list, last updated Sep 3. Add to that Mary Travers from the group Peter, Paul and Mary, and Kanye’s musical career for the near future.

I hoped that the deaths would stay in Hollywood. Then it closer to home - I heard that a Hong Kong actor, nicknamed “Dai Sor Gor” (大傻哥) for his numerous supporting roles as a gullible villain, passed away from cancer. He had already backed away from the limelight and situated himself as a village mayor/chief, but many Hong Kong citizens still recognize him.

成奎安 aka 大傻哥

Suddenly... I never expected anything like the following to happen. I didn't believe it when I heard. A friend from primary school was sent to the intensive care unit after an accident. I haven’t met up with her since I returned to Toronto, and last week was the very first time I’ve seen her since 12 years old. The first glance I see of her is when she was in the hospital bed, unconscious… and it was the last time I will ever see of her.

I can’t say I was close, but this was someone I had a part of my childhood with, even though a brief 3 years. This was someone who did not have her life taken away by a dangerous lifestyle of drugs or speeding or risky activities. You can say she didn't deserve to have it happen to her. I am just glad– with the little bit of Christian faith in me – that she accepted Christ in the last few days of her life, and that her sister was able to smile as all her friends visited.

So many have used the phrase “summer of death” to label 2009. The ends of the lives of many people brought grief because they have accomplished so much and brought so much to the lives of many. The least I can do is make something from this and make a modest relation to my life. I have finished my undergraduate degree and need to tread my way through the “real world” (or in John Mayer’s words, a lie we gotta rise above). It is the official end of the transition from dependence and childhood. I am still struggling to find myself but, cliché but precisely, I want to have lived my life to the fullest with no regrets. I don't care about owning sports cars or mansions or having a shoe closet the size of my apartment. I don't want to be famous for being a talentless Hong Kong singer or pseudo-model (term used loosely). What I want is knowledge, wisdom, trust, faith, loyalty, and people I am comfortable with. In the end when my turn comes, I hope that I would have accomplished what I wanted to, or at least on my way there.

I think I am hoping really hard that deaths mean something, that they didn't happen just because. There's always a reason for things to happen, right?

Web 2.0 - Whoring with Integrity

Yesterday, I had a very charged up conversation with a friend about employment. No, this is not just another rant on how competitive the job market is in Depression 2.0, but about employability and Web 2.0.

MySpace, Twitter, blogging - they are the newest methods brought to you by Web 2.0 to display your talent and skills to potential employers. Many musicians promote them selves and the lucky ones were discovered on MySpace. When you think of MySpace, you think of Facebook, but Facebook is not necessarily a tool for employment. Facebook is taken very personally and informally, and simply witnessing the fact that many careless Facebook users are fired over their updates, it is more of an unemployment tool.

My friend is very qualified for work. It is sad that talented people out there who aren't confident enough because they know how much more talented people there are out there. I was so charged up because I believed so strongly in him and I shared similar worries myself. So, I suggested that he start blogging about his field and experiences, so he can get picked up sometime or get into journalism without a corresponding degree. He said that it feels like he was selling himself out by putting himself on the internet... (Me: "like a prostitute?" Him: "Yeah, exactly! Oh gawd, what has this world come to...") I replied:

"Blogging IS whoring yourself out. But you know what? Blogging is whoring with integrity. You can just start a blog, write about things that you care about, and just have that facade of being an enthusiastic professional seeking similar voices and having your opinion there. You can secretly have the ulterior motive of selling yourself, but no one would ever know, because you're just 'writing for yourself', you know?!" (Him: "Oh jeeezus...")

Well, that was the gist of it because I was very emotionally charged up and cannot recall every word. Isn't that what selling yourself essentially is? Before teh internetz, people did this in whichever primitive way they could (showing up at companies, stalking CEO's limos, coldcalling, submitting articles to publications, sending elaborate contraptions to ad agencies...). Now, it's just digitalized, and putting private work on public forums. It's just a different method of whoring yourself.

And.... I can't believe I released such a revealing idea to him and now to this blog! It's a wonder how your amygdala can be hijacked and the things you do, eh? (Sorry, psych major geek talk.) Just having the evidence out there that I would think of things that way freaks me out. Well then, while I'm standing on a street corner I might as well slut it up and make a profit out of it, right? I might as well open myself up more, lay my ideas and thoughts out like trinkets in a flea market, and have some rich benefactor stroll up and claim ownership of my goodies.

Well, employers - magazines, ad agencies, public relations agencies, Facebook, online publications - here I am. I am ready to work for you. Here's my blog, here's my twitter, and here's where I'm not going to post my Facebook or LinkedIn or resume because I am cautious about my privacy*. Meanwhile, I'll wait here in a corner miserably applying for unpaid internships and remain unemployed, and admiring all the fat lazy hairy dudes in wifebeaters and blogging about stereotypes from home.

*Resume available upon request. Please ask for one. Please hire me.